Halloooo, it’s me. How are you?
My friends, please forgive me ehn. It has been weeks but guys, The month of May was intense.
Besides the fact that it was my birthday month (and you know I don’t play about my birthday), I also found myself in four different cities for speaking engagements. And don’t get me wrong—I was grateful… I am grateful. I’ve literally been praying for more stages, more opportunities to share, and God said: BET. I even had to pause and reflect on that in a video.
But you know what that also meant? it meant that I was, quite literally, out of the house- a lot.
Most of the trips were just 24 to 48 hours, but as the parent who’s primarily at home, that was still a big shake-up in our family’s rhythm. My absence was definitely felt.
And the marathon didn’t stop in May. After a speaking engagement the first weekend in June, we packed up and traveled to another state to visit close friends—a long-overdue, joy-filled trip I’m so glad we made. But the moment we got back, I was off again—this time to Nigeria for a week, for my father’s 25th remembrance.
That trip was DEEP. Important. Healing (I may share more in another post who knows)
And also, another layer of absence.
In the span of a few weeks, I found myself bouncing between countries, events, family, and emotions. Between being the speaker, the friend, the daughter, the mother, the wife. It hit me: every room I was present in meant I was absent somewhere else.
We don’t talk about that enough- especially as working parents in the thick of the “younger-kid” season, when your absence is felt in very tangible ways. No matter how short the trip, no matter how much FaceTime you squeeze in, there’s always a tiny reckoning when you return. You’re catching up, making up, and trying to re-anchor the house (and your heart) again.
And believe me it’s not just a parenthood thing—it’s a life thing.
I first said the phrase- “Anything that requires your absence or presence has a cost”—during a business podcast interview years ago. At the time, I was talking about valuing yourself as a service provider. If someone is asking for your presence, they’re asking for your absence from everything else you could be doing with that time. Basically- value it. But abeg let me be more plain- Anything that requires your presence also requires your absence.
Whatever you’re showing up for is costing you something else. It applies across the board. Relationships. Commitments. Priorities. All of them. And it’s not always a bad thing—it’s just something we have to know and move accordingly. With clarity. With intention.
Because when we understand the weight of our presence, we’re more careful about what we say yes to. We’re more honest about what we’re saying no to by default. And we begin to build lives that actually reflect what we claim to care about—not just what’s loudest, most urgent, or most demanding in the moment.
So wherever you are right now, whether it’s at work, at home, in a season of rest, or in grind mode, please know this: your presence matters. And so does the place you left to be where you are.
Live accordingly. Prioritize accordingly. Value accordingly.
Thanks for reading this KOnfessional. I think I needed to get it out for myself. lol
Until next time,
KO