Happy Friday. How are you? Because this week was like ten days long and baby, I’m just glad we made it.
There’s a KOnfessional that’s been sitting in my spirit for over six months (Dami can attest!). Every time I try to write it, something else pops up and I abandon ship. At first I blamed it on being busy, but now I’m starting to think it’s because—well—this one is about me too. You know what they say: a hit dog will holler… and hide.
Anyway, let’s talk. I know the world is on fire. We’re all trying to survive war, war, war, war in the war.
It’s exhausting. The news cycle doesn’t quit. Our President has lost it (this could apply to almost any country at this point). People are fighting for their lives—some literally, some emotionally. I get it. Wallahi, I get it. But somewhere in all that chaos, something else has crept in. And I don’t mean to sound like the Aunty of all Aunties when I say this, but:
Sis, it’s not just shade anymore… it’s snark.
Like, heavy on the snark. The spirit of SHADE is in the air. I’ve caught it. You’ve caught it. We’ve all caught it.
The little digs. The backhanded compliments. The “lol not me rolling my eyes at this” tone some people put on everything. The comments that make you squint and wonder, “Wait, who are they dragging?” They’re in full bloom.
I feel like i have to pause every few mins through this to say … I’m talking to myself too o, please it only needs to reach who it needs to reach. In fact what re-informed this topic for me was when I gave my sister in law a compliment about something and she was like “wait, are you being shady?” And It really stung. Because she immediately couldn’t accept the compliment because she questioned my motives. I hated that for her and for me.
And listen—I know where some of it is coming from (for me at least). When I’m tired, burnt out, overstimulated, or overwhelmed, I could get unintentionally mean. Straight up. My toddler does the exact same thing. Let her skip a nap or miss a snack and suddenly she’s out here throwing hands over a crayon. You’d think she just got evicted.
I watch her meltdown and I’m like, “Girl, breathe.” But deep down, I know—she’s me. I’m her. We’re all just big toddlers with bills.
In fact as I type, my 7 year old is in the middle of a 2 hour devolution which has included me being a “bad mummy”, “the only person he wants to be around” and the “cause of his sadness” all in the last 2 hours. One of us needs sedation.
So yeah, so much is going on within and around us… and now we have social media. Where thoughts that were once filtered through reason and decency now go straight from brain to caption. From emotion to tweet. From petty to post. There’s no pause. No gut check. Just: “I don’t like that dress,” or “She’s doing too much,” or “who even asked you to post this?.” ...Sent. Posted. Shared. Na wa.
Our timelines are littered with commentary no one asked for, about people we don’t know, doing things that do not concern us.
What used to be internal judgment has become communal critique. And it’s dressed up as “honesty” or “just saying” or “I’m allowed to have an opinion.” But y’all, let’s call it what it is sometimes: SNARK.
AGAIN, let me say I am dragging myself abi is it a mirror I dont even know. mirror. Because i promise—the call is coming from inside the house. I find myself saying “no shade” or “is this a safe space?” Like WAY too many times in a day LMAO. I need to do better. I really do. And if you’re anything like I am in this season…
You’re tired. You’re frustrated. You’re coping. And it’s leaking out.
SO here’s my gentle nudge: Maybe it’s not them or maybe it is (lol) BUTTTTT also…
Maybe you’re just running on fumes. Maybe the version of you that’s commenting is the version that needs sleep, or silence, or some space from the noise.
Maybe log off. Shut it all down.
We can’t control the world. But we can control our mouths. We can pause before we post. We can decide whether we want to be the person that dims light or reflects it.
And if you’ve been a little snarky lately? If you’ve said things that felt good in the moment but lowkey shameful in the rewind? You’re not alone. Just check yourself. Reset. Try again.
We’re all kuku trying our best.
XOXO,
KO
P.s. what are you doing this weekend? Tell me!